no words.

sometimes i have no words. no words to articulate what i feel God doing. no words to express what i know to be true.  just this. a simple Sunflower. a vision in yellow more significant and intimate to me than words could ever say. too sacred to even mention. 

sometimes i have no words. just an image of something.  a reminder of sorts. that says more than i ever could.  just a photo i've taken.  a moment in time i once captured.  to follow the light. to keep walking. to remember the trees.  to trust that their roots grow.  they dig deeper to grow taller.  to remain alive. and thriving. even in the winter.  when their appearance would say otherwise.

 sometimes i have no words. just this one sunset i saw. kind of whispering to me.  through the breeze. the light.  the sound of waves crashing repeatedly. over and over and over. never ending.  everlasting.  infinitely powerful.  just like Him.

 sometimes i have no words.  just a cup of coffee. from one of my favorite places.  as i sit at a desk with a pen in hand and a blank page before me. no inks falls there.  i wrap my cold hands around the warm cup and let my eyes gaze out the window.  to stare at the people.  wondering what they're talking about, what they're reading, what they're thinking, where they're headed, where they've been, and who they are.  i drink slowly and i sit quietly, unashamed in my ease with being alone.  with being still. un-busy. content to watch.  and to wait. 

sometimes i have no words. just the picture of a little girl planting Sonflower seeds. she plants them, knowing they will grow to keep their faces toward the Son. and grow they will. without fail. the sun and the wind, the rain and fresh air will see to it that their destiny is one that it's always been. growth. sprouting. blooming. but only after the seed goes deep into the soil, breaks apart, and dies.  "why does the seed have to die first?" she asks. because only then can it grow into what it's truly supposed to be.

sometimes i have no words.  just The Word.  speaking Truth and Love to me.  telling me of the afflictions and victories of the greatest Saints.  i read.  and i read some more. encouraged.  wondering how they ever did it. wondering if i'll ever come close. i read until every part of my soul is drenched in the "more than conqueror" kind of Freedom that he tells me i have right now.  because sometimes, when i have no words... when i'm told to be still and let God fight for me, i try to reach for things to "do;" i reach for things to say to defend myself, to defend my very heart and who i am when others misunderstand me.  i reach for things to distract me from my dependence on Him and the truth that he will take care of it all. 

sometimes i have no words.  just an empty room. and a quiet heart. listening. wanting to fight back the waiting.  to resist the perfect work of patience.  but knowing, in my bowed head and surrendered heart, that patience and time are two of the most powerful warriors.  they, like faith, will remove my mountains.

sometimes i have no words. just the words of someone else. "i want to reflect the light that shines from you. and if this is war then i'm going to draw my sword. this time i know what i'm fighting for. i want to let you know. i want everything you are. i'm waiting for the morning light to show a fire in the dark. i need a miracle. take my heart. make it glow. shine your light. from the inside out. if love is a choice. then i need you to hear my voice. i'm the one knocking on your door, making all this noise. whatever it takes. i'd give it all away. i want to show my love in a thousand ways. i can't live a single day without you. and i don't want to even try. i won't take another step without your light."

sometimes i have no words.  just a camera.  because sometimes...life makes more sense through that thing. it captures things i cannot. and it conveys things- through the beauty of life- that my words never could.  it freezes a moment.  catches a smile.  it captures a tear.  a "memorable" moment, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. by sheer definition it writes with light.  it's the light that allows it to do it's work. to function and thrive as it was created.  without light, it would be nothing.  just darkness.  it keeps me present.  observing the earth and the people around me. seeing them through eyes not of my own.

sometimes i have no words. just a picture. and the promises from him stored up inside me. the promises not yet fulfilled. so, without words, i wait and i watch and i let him fight.  i trust him. i have to. he hasn't failed me yet.  and he never will.