the Altar.

strap me to this altar
set before your Throne
i don't want to turn back
and keep the things that I must give.

i'm shaking and i'm scared
to lose all that you've given.
when you ask me to surrender it all back
                                  who then will i be?

the dreams and the visions
                                gifted by you
i now place at your feet.
cause in my hands
they break and they crumble.

sometimes i don't understand you
why you'd ask me to return
what you alone gave?

and then i realize, like Abraham,
                  it was all never mine to begin with.

with every step toward you
i want to resist
i want to fight off
the very thing i know i need.

i feel a burning in my chest
the closer i get to you.
this life inside my heart,
created by your hands,
doesn't want to have to die.

i don't trust my flesh
                         these feet and these hands
to do what you have asked

so bind me here in your presence
buckle me down on this altar.
                      tight.
so i won't cower back in fear or doubt.

                                   i don't want to be a coward.


i'd rather live my whole life
never getting what i 'want'
than be a coward.

hold me down in your loving power
pour the weight of your Grace upon me
so heavy that i can't help,
                                but lay completely still.

i've tried to surrender before
all on my own.
but i end up shrinking back
fearful of what you may ask of me.

but i'd rather live in the temporal 'fear'
than live on my own
away from your Throne.

                  a life of my own making
                  doesn't amount to much.

i don't have much to give here
as you can see, all i have is me.

take what you want
take it all
the love
       the desire
                i trust that you won't leave me empty.

make this my grave to who i once was
and resurrect me in your Glory.

i give it all back to receive
what only your Love can give.

and for the Joy you've set before me
i will die here
                      to all i once held close.

make me like Abraham
obedient and faithful,
sacrificing the love of his highest treasure
with confident Faith
                        that you won't abandon me to the ashes.

fast me securely. knot the ropes on my hands and feet.
                                    and mark this as a sacred place.
a place to be remembered.
as i turn it all over
into your Perfect hands.

this doesn't make sense
and i want to scream that it's unfair
          a joke
             a trick
                that i've been duped.
                       that you only brought me this far
to then watch me suffer.

but through tearstained eyes
i see your Son
and i try to measure the immeasurable Love
that led him there
and i am reminded at what you can do
                                  when I let you in.

i have great expectations of you
and what you will do.
and i have faith that your Love
   will conquer my grave.

come ignite the flame
that burns for you only.
blow out every spark
               every ember
of human love within me
i want none of it left.
hold me here as long as you must
come be the living breath inside me
                                                       until you and i are one.