Abraham and Sarah.

"God's service is, as our Prayer Book says, 'perfect freedom.'"

“I have been called to be a missionary and to write, but surely there is nothing incompatible with such tasks and acknowledgment of the fundamental fact that woman was made for man. That wasn't my idea, after all - I got it all out of the Book!”

Throughout much of my twenty-something’s, I have found it difficult to wrap my mind around this idea that I, we women, are made for man. I’ve been through so many ups and downs in the fallen-ness of man and woman relationships, that to come to grips with such a seemingly daunting reality doesn’t make me jump for joy (if I’m being completely honest).

I don’t want to get hurt by embracing this reality. I must admit, my flesh wants to fight against it; my flesh tells me to self-preserve. But I can’t escape this divine truth that was written into the DNA of my heart. The more I resist it, the further away from my Father I feel. But the more I embrace it, the more I must submit, and the more he has required of me.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to embrace such a truth. I mean, there IS a reason—but not being married under the covenanted relationship of man and wife (and even if I were, my lack of understanding would still have to work itself out), I can’t help, but wonder what God did this for.

I had to get past my misconception that though I was created for man (and thus for God), it did not mean that my identity was IN a man. With my twisting of scriptural interpretation, that was the misconception I thought was true- which I absolutely refused to be okay with. But I was all wrong. Boy was I ever. My identity lies with my Father. And since I knew that to be true, it meant there was something more that I was missing.

When I read through the scriptures when God created the universe and everything in it, everything he did was “Good.” He spoke it and it came to be. What power there is in the things we speak… but that is a whole other topic. However, the only part where it was “not good,” was when God said “It is not good for man to be alone.” Adam needed Eve- the “life-giver,” the helper.

That all sounds really great, but being a helper isn’t the easiest task. And it’s not just a task, it is a calling. A calling that I desperately want to live out with the man I marry; however, I’m aware that such a calling requires two very important, crucial things of me: one, which is a steadfast trust and belief in my God; the second, being submission.

As I have been reading through the story of Abraham and Sarah, I can’t help but see those two crucial elements play themselves out in Sarah’s faithfulness to God and to her husband, Abraham. God called Abraham out of his country and armed him with a promise- that he would make him a great nation and bless him. Abraham didn’t know where he was going, but he made the move anyway.

I’ve heard a lot of talk about Abraham’s faithfulness in the church, his sort of wild-abandon to what God invited him into. But rarely do I hear about the faithfulness of Sarah. The woman behind the man; who undoubtedly kept their ship from sinking amidst the struggles they would certainly endure. Such a promise from God does not come without its struggle.

In Hebrews 11, it talks about Abraham going out, not knowing where he was going, but it does not talk about Sarah in that verse, though we can assume she was there. She was a steadfast, trusting wife to her husband who was following God’s call. I imagine at times, this move was harder on her than it was him. But because she believed that her Father would be faithful to her, she was able to submit to such a call.

I imagine her riding on a donkey throughout the land, praying and hoping, praying some more, that God would light the path. I imagine her heart had a quiet strength, believing he would sustain them.

Sarah made it her mission to help Abraham fulfill God’s purposes for his life. That was the purpose of hers. That is strength. I think many women believe they need to “help God,” therefore interrupting His plans for their husbands. They do not trust that God will work through their husbands, so they interfere and demand or dominate. That is not submission to God. That is disbelief.

This purpose of her life was severely tried. Abraham and Sarah did not have it easy. But those who choose to live a life of faith rarely do. They certainly failed at times, taking things into their own hands out of impulsiveness, not trusting the hand of God, and thus hurting one another in the process. Their failures are marked for us to read, not to discourage, but to encourage us. To instruct us in the way we should go.

One struggle in particular took place when they entered Egypt. Abraham feared that the Egyptians would find Sarah’s beauty irresistible and therefore kill him to get to her. So he decided to lie. He told the Egyptians that Sarah was his sister so that he may win favor with them and not be destined to death. He was right; he did win their favor. But it didn’t matter, he still lied. And in the plan of God, lies will never prosper. He cannot honor our sin.

I began to wonder why Sarah would go along with such a scheme. Was it because she was submitting out of fear of speaking up? I certainly wouldn’t want my husband to die. I wonder what I would have done. But as I thought on it more, I began to think that Sarah’s decision to keep quiet was because of her trust in God’s promise to Abraham- that Abraham would become a father of a great nation- and if that were to happen, Abraham would have to live. Maybe she even believed God would deliver them before this lie to the Pharaoh became “necessary-” whatever the case, she believed…so she submitted.

I am sure there have been times when wives think their husbands are making a mistake. And we are told in Acts that a wife has no responsibility to obey her husband when that obedience goes against the will of God. But even when a wife knows her husband is being disobedient, and yet still chooses to submit to the promises God made them that will transcend such disobedience, it shows to be a true test of her submission. I am sure Sarah knew the lie was disobedient, but she also knew the bigger picture- what God promised- and so she submitted to his will, that he would make Abraham’s path right again.

Talk about living her life for Abraham- and hence, for God.

But when a woman does speak up, I have seen many husbands not take the wisdom and insight of their wives very seriously. If we are made to be helpers, we too can hear the voice of God. He may use and speak to the wife, so as to draw the husband closer to himself. I think sometimes women don’t speak up; instead they sit quiet and “submit” out of fear of responsibility or what their husband may think. There are times to quietly submit, but I imagine there are also times we must boldly proclaim, and find the submission in such boldness. Either way, it helps that man and woman remember they’re two coming together to make one and that they’re on the same team.

Abraham did the same thing to Sarah some 20 years later. He failed her again. I can’t imagine such heartache she must have felt. Here her husband, promised to honor and cherish her, was using her in his struggles to cure his disbelief in God’s perfect plan. But once again, Sarah submitted to God. And our Father does not forsake those who trust in him. So he delivered her once again.

We cannot fully submit until we fully believe. We may submit though- only partially- praying and trusting that God will meet us in our unbelief to allow full submission to happen.

The greatest blow to Sarah and to their marriage was probably when the reality sunk in that an aging Sarah could not bear a child for Abraham. She was getting old, beyond child-bearing years, so how could God’s promise be fulfilled? How could Abraham be a father when he had no son?

So Sarah conspired her own plan. She decided to offer her Egyptian slave girl, Hagar, to Abraham that he may bore a son. I bet it was motivated by her desire for Abraham to have what God promised. I cannot imagine sharing my husband with another woman so to fulfill such a promise- that had to be the most self-sacrificial thing she could do. And yet, it was not God’s plan. Sarah would bore him a son, not Hagar. And the impulsive human solution to try and complete such a divine promise would create heartache that woud be reaped later on.

Everything we do, and don't do, "outside" of God's hand, will effect us at some point. Every action has a consequence. And every consequence will be reaped--it's simply a matter of time.

I think on what Sarah must have felt. So much time had passed, she was getting old, perhaps impatient, lacking in trust that God would perform his miracles in due time. If only we would wait for him when our situations seem to be at its worst, we would save ourselves from much grief. It’s only when we take matters into our own hands, when we get in the way, that we suffer undue heartache that God never intended for us.

Hagar got pregnant—and she wasn’t the kindest woman after that. And Sarah got upset. The bitterness deep in Sarah began to come out. Abraham avoided his duty—he should have never let Sarah’s conspiring unfold and yet when it did, he told her to handle the problem herself.

That must have been hard for her. Here she is trying to follow her husband, but there is nothing to follow. He should have never gone along with her impulsive plan in the first place. But he did, and now he’s not taking any responsibility for it. Here they both sit, as faithless servants. Their actions mocked their God; their disbelief bringing them to despair.

But through an encounter Abraham had with God, their once bleak situation began to take a turn. He was told that Sarah would bore him a son. I believe Sarah almost found it humorous. Old and “dead in the womb,” how could she not? Delirious desperation can sometimes find its place in laughter; that laughter of disbelief: “Yeah right.”

And yet that laughter turned to triumph when she had Isaac. Sarah says, “God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh with me.” I can only dream of such a moment. What Sarah must have felt. Her doubt turned to joy. All the times in my life that I’ve heard or felt God tugging on me in a certain direction, whispering to me his purpose and his plans for my life; I have found myself chuckling at such plans, ending with a “yeah right,” or an “I’ll believe it when I see it.” It’s laughable because it seems so improbable. Part of Satan’s desire to deter me from trusting.

And yet though I laugh or scoff off such magnificent plans he has for me, he doesn’t punish for my disbelief. Instead, he turns my once deep doubt into a deep joy—and then, I am reminded, as to how faithful he is.

These were not the only struggles of Abraham and Sarah. But I can’t help but think that she was one of those women who “did her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life.” I can only be that woman if I choose to believe, and live my life based on that decision, that nothing (absolutely nothing) is impossible for God. I have to believe that my husband’s (and my) mistakes are used for his glory, and that he can in turn, use them to bless us.

So if I can’t wrap my mind around this truth that I am created for man- a man who submits to God (and therefore so do I), it’s probably because I have a problem submitting to God. Certainly I can’t submit to just any man- and my choice in a husband must be a discerning and wise one. But I am created to come alongside. I am created to help. I am created to be a mirror that God shines his light on, so that my husband may see his lit up reflection. In coming alongside him, I come alongside God. I get to add to his Kingdom by being bold, by trusting, and by submitting to Him when it all doesn’t make sense—especially when it all doesn’t make sense.

So to answer my wonderings...He created women this way because we are made in his image. The role we play as wives to our husbands serves a great purpose; a purpose much larger than simply being "a wife." We are active participants in his glory, here and now. As we live into the mirrors we are created to be, we witness our husband's purpose unfold, and therefore our own. Both purposes, which compliment one another, are found under the canopy of God's provision and his love.

I need not fear the fallen-ness of such man and woman relationships.
I need not fear the sometimes fragile moments in my future marriage.
I need not fear the struggles.
I need not fear submission when my hope is in God.
He will do what He promises.

Because He is faithful.