tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78146078236476405322024-02-20T20:20:15.266-08:00live in the lightcortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.comBlogger84125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-36901556757166312672012-12-17T11:25:00.003-08:002012-12-17T11:25:53.118-08:00New Blog Address.Because sometimes, it's just time to move on:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://liveinhislight.wordpress.com/">http://liveinhislight.wordpress.com/</a><br />
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<br />cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-47508420905566242142012-11-25T19:46:00.002-08:002012-11-25T19:46:22.053-08:00to the future.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>To my future husband. </b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Dear you,</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I was never the girl in grade school, high school, or college that dreamt about her wedding. The idea of getting married was always something I wanted, but never something I really “thought” about. Or better yet, I wasn’t one of those girls who wanted to be married right out of college. I think in part, I was rather envious of those girls. They knew what they wanted – and who. I did not. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am going to skip all the testimonial "details" and cut right to it. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>I am a sinner just like you. </b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>But I am also an overcomer just like you.</b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I have had my heart broken more times than I’d like to admit. Especially by men. No, I have not been in many relationships, but all it takes is a few men – whether it be a father or boyfriend – to crush a woman’s heart. Miraculously so, I am not jaded. In fact, quite the opposite. I still believe in the kind of love that never fails. The kind Paul talks about. I know it’s real. I know it’s alive. I know it because I’ve experienced it. Love is what has brought me here. Love is what never gave up on me; that thing (Him) that I woke up to every morning “I’m not leaving you. I’m here. We’re going to get through this. There is a harvest up ahead. There is Sonshine up ahead. Trust me. I’m going to heal you. I’m going to cover you in freedom so thick you won’t know what to do with yourself.” So I believed. Over and over again. I recited his Truth, I memorized it, I bathed in it. I held him to his promises. And then he taught me how to have a voice again; he showed me that I could come out from that corner I had hidden in so long and live fearlessly. And so, I began to study the Proverbs 31 woman. I prayed over it, read it constantly, and asked that he make me a woman of character. The kind of woman my husband would be proud of. The kind he could depend on.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am still learning. And the learning will continue. But I'll tell you this much: the hunger inside my heart for more of God is not something I will ever compromise. And because I have not and am not willing to compromise it, I think my ring-less wedding finger has concerned my parents a few times! For better or worse, I just can't settle. I know God has hand-picked you for me, in his perfect timing, and in all his glorious nature.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>All the while – those years of accelerated growth in my mid-twenties – it was preparing me for you.</b> I imagine he was doing the same with you. Of course, it was preparing me for many other things as well. But I know now more than ever, that what he did in me those years needed to make me into the type of person who could love you the way you need and deserve to be loved. He knew my heart better than I did. <b>He knew that I would not be okay with loving you from a shallow place. He knew that I would not be okay with loving you from an unhealed, chained heart.</b> He knew that deep down I desired to love you with all the freedom a woman can offer, who speaks truth even when it’s hard, gives grace even when it hurts, and wants to love you more – and better – every day. He knew that I would need to have a heart with the strength to be vulnerable, softened, and gentle toward you. He knew that I would need a deep-seeded peace for our trials as a couple and a spontaneous Joy that abided in his goodness. He knew that I would need a man marked by his character. His conviction not to swerve and toy with the things of this world. He knew I would need a man that could swim upstream. And such a man does not develop that character and love for Jesus unless he has been through struggles and trials of his own. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">So for that, I want to say thank you. <b>Thank you for being the man you are.</b> Thank you for not giving up when it got hard. Thank you for believing in him when all your feelings pointed otherwise. Thank you for your laughter, your passions, and your dreams. Thank you for not trying to be anyone other than the man God has called you to be. Thank you for seeking him, loving him, and learning about him. <b> Thank you for following through on all your pain and all your struggles and not wasting any of it.</b><b> </b> It has made you a man of perseverance and a man of hope. It is so crazy to even try and comprehend what God does with trials – how he turns them for our good, how they make us into someone, how they teach us to love harder, live deeper, and reach higher. Even more, they instill this depth of gratitude that some will ever understand. And that’s okay, but I’m just glad you understand. Finally, I know a man who understands. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Love binds everything together in perfect unity. To the degree I appreciate you, you may never fully comprehend. <b>I respect who you are and what you’re called to, even when you mess up, fail or fall short.</b> Even when we bug one another, annoy one another, hurt one another, or let one another down, I know that our battle is not against each other; <i>I am for you and you are for me - <b>we are for one another.</b></i><i><b> </b></i> I will fight for that with everything in me. I will be your biggest fan and apart from God, your greatest advocate. I have seen, I have tasted, and I have experienced the love of our God too much to be anything less than these things as your wife.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I’m a sinner and I’m imperfect for certain; I will never figure it all out and I’m not even going to try to. I just want to love and glorify God in all I do. I want our marriage to do what marriages are supposed to do: point to our King and Glorify him. I’m so thankful he gave me you to do it with. I'm so thankful he led us here. As a writer, it's a story I never could have written. He is the Author and Creator of every good thing. And you... <b>you are a very good thing.</b> </span></div>
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cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-71777131344316014072012-11-03T15:08:00.000-07:002012-11-03T15:08:32.960-07:00life's too short.life's too short.<br />
too fragile.<br />
make the call.<br />
forgive.<br />
love. say it out loud. <br />
surrender.<br />
let it go.<br />
the bitterness.<br />
the hurt.<br />
the unfairness.<br />
the "But I... I..."<br />
Death comes to all of us.<br />
It just does.<br />
And in the end,<br />
It's just you and Him.<br />
Not your stuff.<br />
Your things.<br />
You friends.<br />
Your family.<br />
Just you<br />
Your heart<br />
And Him.<br />
Who will you be then.<br />
And how...<br />
How are you going to live your life now<br />
With frustration, disappointment, and "it's not fair"<br />
and "I'll do it my way" and "It's too hard"<br />
Or<br />
With a conquering spirit.<br />
A warrior's heart.<br />
A mind, a body, a soul<br />
Fitted with Truth.<br />
Sured up with courage.<br />
Sustained by Grace.<br />
Bounded and united by Love.<br />
<br />
Who will you be then<br />
Who are you now<br />
Who do you desire to be<br />
<br />
Tomorrow isn't guaranteed<br />
Neither is your next hour<br />
For you<br />
For me<br />
For any of us<br />
<br />
Life is too short.<br />
Too fragile.<br />
To hold on, imprisoned by the things<br />
That slowly rot us<br />
And blacken our hearts.<br />
<br />
May we surrender all that we hold so dear<br />
All those things that are not ours<br />
Whether they be possessions,<br />
self righteousness<br />
our pride,<br />
our relationships<br />
our selfish gain<br />
our need to succeed<br />
our past hurts<br />
May we lay it all down<br />
Let it go<br />
And remember that life is far too precious<br />
To spend any time<br />
On the things that slowly kill us<br />
From the inside outcortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-6441773780329794572012-10-30T16:14:00.003-07:002012-10-30T16:22:06.219-07:00Dear Sister, You're not the only one.Dear Sister,<br />
<br />
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<strong>You’re not the only one.</strong> <br />
<br />
I pray that brings comfort.</div>
<br />
You’re not the only one sitting in this row of chairs with a heavy heart. You’re not the only one who struggles with body image and her beauty and her identity and what she’s worth. You’re not the only one who feels like a less than; like maybe she doesn’t belong here; like maybe her sin isolates her, causing her to feel alone. Lonely. You’re not the only one who wants to walk out the back door, hide in the last row, and cry out, scream out, “<em>is this really all there is?”</em><br />
<br />
I see you sit there – crying on the inside, smiling on the outside – trying to look like the rest of us who feel the pressure to hold it all together. As you sit there with your bleeding heart and blood on your hands, wondering why you came this morning, to sing words to songs you don’t honestly mean, wondering how the rest of us could mean them - truly mean them. You’re not the only one who feels like a mess sometimes – maybe most of the time. Out of order, out of sorts, disfigured circumstances, crying out “<em>What am I doing with my life?”</em> You’re not the only one who compares herself to the prettier girl with the better clothes, the handsome man, and the seemingly perfect kids. You’re not the only one who sometimes feels less than because she’s single – like all your friends have moved on and there’s no room for you in their new life. You're not the only one, unable to have the children you want so desperately, feeling the anger toward God rise up in the core of your being, shaking your fist at the Heavens, knowing so many young women abort theirs and you, well... you'd give <em>anything</em>. You’re not the only one who battles her family mess of relational dysfunction and years of hurt. You’re not the only one who’s been betrayed or cast aside, misunderstood and accused of a wrong you never did. You’re not the only one who got left; who endured that loss, that powerless feeling of having no choice but to say goodbye. <br />
<br />
You’re not the only one who wonders if she’s loved in the middle of how screwed-up and lost and confused and fallen apart she feels. <br />
<br />
I see you across the aisle there, wiping the tears from your face and hiding the blood on your hands, doing all you can to hide <em>who you really are</em> and <em>what you’re really battling</em>. <br />
<br />
You’re not the only one who doubts if he’s out there, if he even exists, and cries out to God why he hasn’t brought him yet. You’re not the only one who fights depression, anxiety, fear or an eating disorder. <br />
<strong>You're not the only one.</strong><br />
<br />
I want you to know that I see you. Not the skin-deep you, but the soul-deep you. <br />
<br />
I see a heart. <br />
<br />
<em>A heart building strength out of your weakness. </em><br />
<br />
Because, my sister, when you are weak then he is strong. <br />
<br />
<strong>So be weak. And be Loved. It’s going to be okay.</strong><br />
<br />
Pour out your bleeding heart onto the altar before you. Let it flood. I’ll walk up there with you. I’ll hold your hand. I won't leave. It’s alright– I don’t mind your blood on me. I’ll clean it up behind you. I’ll wash it from your hands and wipe your tears with fresh, pure water. I’ll hold your hair back as tears stain your face – as you stay there, on your knees – in a ball of surrender. <br />
<br />
You’re not the only one who’s fallen apart. Who's heart has broke wide open by pain. <br />
<br />
I want you to know it’s only a matter of time before joy replaces the sorrow. <br />
Where confidence replaces the doubt.<br />
Where love replaces the fear.<br />
Where his grace sustains you to the point of floating.<br />
<br />
<strong>He’s going to enlarge your heart, Beloved. </strong><br />
<strong>He’s going to stop the bleeding. </strong><br />
<br />
You're not the only one - I promise. You need the Body like the rest of us. So lean on us. Reach out to us. Cry out to us. <em>Use us</em>. <br />
<br />
I'll give all that I have and all that I can.<br />
Here is my hand. <br />
Here is my shoulder. <br />
Here is my heart, offered to help the beating of yours. <br />
<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">***we women need one another, don't we? I pray, and I pray, and I pray we would become the Body (of women) like we are called to. That we would stop kicking each other around. Hearts are bleeding everywhere. We can't pretend like that's not true. It's time we LOVE EACHOTHER instead of allowing pride, jealousy, vanity, and comparison to divide us.***</span></div>
cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-38159348366262063722012-10-29T21:37:00.003-07:002012-10-29T21:37:56.587-07:00I Praise You.Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by Who You Are.<br />
I AM. <br />
Not <em>I was.</em> <br />
Or <em>I will be. </em><br />
But <strong>I AM. </strong><br />
Now. Present. In this moment. Right-this-very-second.<br />
<br />
Selah.<br />
<br />
Tears flood my eyes and threaten to puddle out the corners. <br />
I lift my face to the sky to keep the salt water in,<br />
Because I want to look toward You through the filter of tear stained eyes;<br />
Tears of gratitude. Tears of awe. <br />
<br />
I don't understand this kind of Love. <em>Your</em> Love. <br />
It is just... beyond me.<br />
<br />
All Glory.<br />
All Honor.<br />
All Praise to you.<br />
<br />
In all the pain I have felt that so often made no sense. In all the wounds that left these scars. <br />
I praise you.<br />
<br />
In all my desert places. In all my mountain-top races. <br />
I praise you.<br />
<br />
In all this groaning for more of Heaven. <br />
In all that has fallen,<br />
As I stumble my way back to Eden.<br />
I praise you.<br />
<br />
In all this Joy that leads my feet to dancing<br />
In all this Love and how you romance me<br />
I praise you.<br />
<br />
When I can't see you, when I don't hear you, when I don't feel you<br />
I praise you.<br />
<br />
In everything and with everything,<br />
I praise you.<br />
<br />
Hallelujah.cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-82399095502809525912012-10-29T21:37:00.002-07:002012-10-29T21:38:09.657-07:00growth.the pain only grew<br />
with every sound that reminded me of you<br />
left with nothing but memories<br />
that i packed away as tight as i could.<br />
then things got real<br />
and it got harder,<br />
but it passes<br />
and faces fade in time.<br />
the sound of your voice<br />
and echo of your laughter<br />
pair in harmony<br />
with the new state of my heart.<br />
and when your smile<br />
shows up in my mind,<br />
i hold it there to remember<br />
how far i've come.<br />
<br />cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-14079857392848498552012-10-19T15:21:00.000-07:002012-10-19T15:21:12.481-07:00a tip for all women.<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">marry the kind of man that you can see raising and holding your children.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">marry the kind of man that you would want your son to be just like and look up to.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">marry the kind of man that you would want your daughter to date and marry when she's older.</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><strong>don't settle. just don't. </strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><strong>it's not worth it.</strong></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New; font-size: large;"><u><strong>but you are.</strong></u></span></div>
cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-8968129177038890792012-10-18T15:26:00.000-07:002012-10-18T15:26:06.211-07:00not by mine, but by Yours.<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">not by my strength, but by <em>Yours</em>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">not by my words, but by <em>Yours</em>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">not by my plans, but by <em>Yours</em>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">not by my love, but by <em>Yours</em>.</span></div>
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cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-72660340150983144952012-10-15T17:13:00.000-07:002012-10-15T17:13:52.397-07:00when...when was the last time i got on my knees and just thanked him with simpe gratitude. not asking for anything.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i went the whole day without getting annoyed or irritated or falling into the tempting trap of complaining.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i gave someone a genuine compliment - out loud to their face- just because.<br />
<br />
when was the last time - for an entire day- i ceased to think about what "more i wanted" and was content in what i already had.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i was able to spend a whole day without worry.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i told someone about Jesus who didn't know him already.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i did something for someone else.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i spent the whole day - eternally and Kingdom minded.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i STOPPED and let myself just rest - where i <em>ceased doing </em>and was okay with it.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i prayed about that one thing - or for that one person - that is so incredibly difficult to pray for.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i did that one thing even though i didn't feel like it.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i didn't use "i've been so busy" as an excuse.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i spent an entire day with my phone off, away from the world, and just sat in the still quiet.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i genuinely asked the holy spirit to reveal my heart to me - even those things i'm so afraid to see.<br />
<br />
when was the last time i said "<em>Yes</em>" to Jesus - and meant it whole heartedly, compelled by love - to what ever it may be he asked me to do.<br />
<br />
cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-81030223680705738202012-10-08T21:46:00.002-07:002012-10-09T09:14:18.915-07:00hearts. not flesh."No longer consider anyone from a worldly point of view..." - Paul<br />
<br />
seeing the hearts of people. not just flesh.<br />
<br />
realizing that we each have a story. <br />
<br />
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that man at the gas station may have lost his job today. he has a wife and 3 kids. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
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that woman at the grocery store may be a single mom. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
that waiter who served you dinner may struggle so badly with drugs and can't keep a paycheck to save his life.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
that seemingly "perfect" girl in church may struggle with her identity and loneliness so deeply that she is defined by what men think of her.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
that old man you see in the elevator at work every morning may be a WW2 veteran and has never spoken about it.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
that young man in college whose future looks so promising may battle severe depression and tells no one about it because shame has buried him.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
that teenage girl you know, acting all -unladylike and not modest lost her father when she was 12. he didn't die. he just left one day and never came back.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
that 60 year old man that says "<em>hi sweetheart</em>" to you almost every morning at your local coffee shop. the same man who sat down to talk to you one Wednesday morning, "<em>hi, i'm Pete and i see you here almost everyday and i wanted to finally say hi. you remind me so much of my daughter. whatcha reading?"</em></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<em>"Oh, you know, the Bible. the book of Ephesians actually."</em></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
that same man, Pete, may die from a massive heart-attack later that afternoon. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
such was the case with me a handful of months back.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
my eyes flooded with tears when another coffee shop goer told me a week after it had happened. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
i wondered if he knew Jesus. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
i wondered if he'd thought about it after i told him about Him in a 10 second blurb that morning.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
i wondered why i never took the time to get to know him. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
i saw him almost every morning.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
why didn't i?</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<i>why</i>?</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
because i'm so focused on me. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
too focused on me. what i have to do. where i have to go. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
to take a second to STOP. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
and observe the hearts of the people around me. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
hearts. not flesh.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
which do you see?</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
which do you look for?</div>
cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-15848191708983352402012-10-01T23:09:00.001-07:002012-10-01T23:09:03.816-07:00heartache & healing<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: small;">As of late I am realizing that my healing never ends. Well, at least not this side of heaven. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">This particular healing - the healing of the heart - seems to be an ongoing process. I guess I always knew that. So I don't know why it hits me funny when I feel a sting in my heart over something that I thought he had already taken care of.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps he <i>has</i> taken care of it, Cortney. But now, he's just going a bit deeper. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">Ugh! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">Over a year ago my heart was broken so badly (and it had been broken quite often in the 3 years that preceded it) that I began to learn the ways of how to cope, recover, and then live into Victory after the aftermath. That pit of your stomach, hard to breathe, wake up countless times in the middle of the night, can't fall asleep, can't stay asleep, just want to stare at a wall for hours - that kind of ache I understand. I know it too well. My compassion and empathy overflows for a hurting heart. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">When that someone I'd loved for a long time left, I was surrounded with a million questions and a bunch of why's - many of which never got answered. If any at all. But somehow, in the infamous grandeur that is my God, he takes the whole screwed up and backward mess and, in time, he sets it aright in my heart. No, I didn't get all my answers - but I don't care about the questions anymore. In the greatness of who he is, the questions dissipated and my Answerer became all that I longed for. It's as if the questions had never existed.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">When my heart broke the way it did, I remember being very determined to wring out all that Jesus had for me in the days and months to follow. I remember not wanting to miss a thing. I remember being so meticulous about every decision and every motive. I remember detailing my tears on page after page of my journal. I remember crying... then laughing... then crying... then laughing. Above all - I remember telling my God that I'd endure it for as long as he asked and that one day, when I meet the man he has for me, he's not going to have to deal with this broken heart because Jesus and I would've already taken care of it.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">Nice thinking, Cort. But eh, wrong. Sometimes my multi-tasking, determined, disciplined, and "I'm gonna get this shi* done" mentality takes the driver seat when it belongs in the trunk most of the time. Is it possible to steamroll yourself? If it were, I have done it. Like I've said before, I need to learn to be more tender with myself because I know he is. There was nothing wrong with my determination to hear his every whisper to me - after all that was (and remains) so crucial to me. But Jesus doesn't drill sergeant my healing; nor does he work linear. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course, and I hope it goes without saying, that the healing he has <i>already</i> done has been paramount. Sometimes I glance over my shoulder to look back at who I once was. I don't recognize that girl anymore. How come he is so good to me? His grace never ends. But even in all the healing - and in all the steps and prayers and tears and laughter and the reframing of my mind and heart to focus on Truth and Truth only - I find there are some days, and some experiences, that still quietly reveal to me the areas inside that haven't been fully healed. Those places that are still slightly bruised and somewhat exposed. I realized recently that the healing of my heart is something I continue to live into. And that often times - most of the time - God uses relationship with another to do it. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">(My pride doesn't like that. Clearly. Pride is not cute! Not at all).</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">As much as I want to be "all fixed up" before I marry, that's just not going to happen. As much as I want to be "all healed" so my future husband doesn't have to work through it with me, that's just not going to happen. The lie that I've believed (and stopped believing today) that somehow marriage and relationship have no room to offer healing to one another - back and forth - day in, and day out, is a stupid, silly, and bold face lie. Tending to my heart has always been so important to me. It is there I find Jesus. It is there I find the places inside that need his light. It is there I find areas that need freedom. I'm always wanting more of who he is. But even then, I'm not going to have it all figured and sorted out. And thankfully, the man I marry won't either. And he will be okay with the fact that we both are lost without him and we will trust that he'll lead us to deeper healing through the honesty, intimacy, and Love that our relationship is founded upon. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">I suppose there has been a part of me that's been tucked down inside that I never knew existed until today. Part of me is just scared. Sure, I've been hurt. Sure, I've been left. But I'm not different...we all have to some degree. But the part of me that, prior to today, wanted to be "all fixed up" before I marry is the part that doesn't want to get hurt again. So if I try and co-labor and take rest in his healing <i>enough, </i>then maybe if (when) I do get hurt again it won't hurt so bad. And what's more is that if I seek out healing before marriage in these particular areas, well then I'll never have to do it again. (Now that's just silly). But to continue with the lie... if I never have to do it again, then that part of my heart doesn't have to be vulnerable to the man I love and am married to. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">Bottom line: I have feared being vulnerable with the most vulnerable parts of my heart. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">(Don't steamroll yourself on the revelation of that one Cortney. Just let it simmer and let it be).</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">A dear friend said to me, "You need to understand Cort that you've been hurt really, really bad in the past. Like, really bad. You've come so far and these things take time. And even more healing will come as you grow deeper into relationship with the man God has for you. Because that man isn't going to be scared of who you are and what you've been through. And he's going to scale whatever walls necessary to hold the most tender and precious parts of your heart."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">And that is why sisters are so. damn. good. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">I imagine all of this is something many people know already. I thought I did. Well, I did sorta... cognitively at least. But today I realized, yet again, that I don't have to be wrapped up in some nice pretty bow for Mr. So and So in order to be loved. I am simply Cortney. Every healed, yet-to-be-healed, pretty and not so pretty part. And that is entirely okay.</span></div>
cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-42669557374977665962012-10-01T11:47:00.000-07:002012-10-01T11:56:40.669-07:00Jesus. the stars. and me. <span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><strong>“Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.”</strong></span> –Isaiah 40:26<br />
<br />
I went for a late walk last night because I just couldn’t fall asleep. It was warm and I was restless. My mind kept moving to and fro – like a ball in a tennis match. Back and forth. Back and forth. So I slipped on my sandals, a light sweater and out I went. I walked to a nearby park and laid myself down on a picnic bench and stared up at the sky for quite a while. <br />
<br />
Sometimes all I have to do is sit still beneath the expanse of a night sky to remember that God is much bigger than my circumstances. He is larger than what I feel. His character stays the same. Even when my situation and the steadiness of my heart do not.<br />
<br />
There are many times when nothing steadies me more than nestling myself in to my rightful place in creation – lying down, sprawled out, vulnerable, and open to the grandeur of the universe that my God set in place; remembering that he’s still in control, he’s still enthroned, and I am at the mercy of his good and perfect direction; remembering that when I feel constricted and “held down” by him, it’s because he isn’t finished doing what he’s doing yet; remembering that I am only a microscopic (though significant) piece of this majestic Kingdom; remembering that there’s a lot more to this world than the thoughts running around in my head that persuade me to focus on self instead of him; remembering that he set every star in place; remembering that the sun will rise tomorrow; remembering that – even though I have all Power and Strength in him – I am still just me. <br />
<br />
And I should probably be more tender with myself. <br />
<br />
There is something about a starry sky (even in urban cities) that brings me back home. Back home to the Truth that this isn’t all there is. Back home to the Truth that he is supreme. Back home to the Truth that he always has the last word – even when I feel like someone else did. Back home to the Truth that he knows every star by name. Back home to the Truth of his immeasurable love and boundless sovereignty; and back home to the Truth of my finiteness and desperate need for him <br />
<br />
Each<br />
<br />
And<br />
<br />
Every<br />
<br />
Day.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><strong>“The heavens are yours, and yours also the earth; you founded the world and all that is in it.”</strong></span> – Psalm 89:11<br />
<br />
I imagined myself, lying there, as the only one on earth. Just me, just him, and the stars canvassed out before me like some brilliant Van Gogh painting. That thick acrylic painting swirled about with passionate creativity that burns from within. I imagined his arms, as wide as the heavens, stretching outward to envelop me. To scoop me up from the wooden bench I laid upon.<br />
<br />
I watched the stars glisten and burn. I watched the stars diligently fulfill their roles amidst God’s creation – set in place just where he put them. I closed my eyes and listened to the silent humming of the skies. It doesn’t use words like we humans do, but its existence brings him praise. It brings him Glory.<br />
<br />
And I was reminded of Psalm 19:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The heavens declare the glory of God;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">the skies proclaim the work of his hands.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Day after day they pour forth speech;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">night after night they reveal knowledge.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">They have no speech, they use no words;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">no sound is heard from them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">their words to the ends of the world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">like a champion rejoicing to run his course.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">It rises at one end of the heavens</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">and makes its circuit to the other;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">nothing is deprived of its warmth.</span><br />
<br />
And as I repeated the psalm of David in my head, I began to doze off. The bark of a neighborhood dog awakened me in a startle and I realized it was time to walk home. I heard him whisper to me <span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">“Take heart, I have overcome the world.” </span>He knew I needed to hear that. My spirit knows it. Even when my feelings do not. He has overcome. And the starry skies worship his name. The revolving sun broadcasts his Glory. <br />
<br />
And I, humbled by the fact that he created <em>all this splendor and me</em>, walk home half asleep, with my perspective and position now in line with what it ought to be. He is God. And I am not. <br />
<br />
Because sometimes in my wanting to figure it out, make sense of it, plan it out, think ahead, and reciting the whole, “How am I almost 30 and only here”… this tennis match of thoughts in my mind sends my head into a spin and with the dizziness, I forget (temporarily) that the <em>gaze of my eyes must remain, without wavering, on the one who never wavers;</em> <em>on the One who created the starry skies that upon looking at them, my groaning spirit longs to uncover the mysteries from which they came.</em> <br />
<br />
In reverent awe and admiration, I thank him for my life. For this desire to endure. For the sleepless nights. For the awakenings at 4am. For the whispers of his word in the wee hours of the morning that remind me <strong>“<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.”</span></strong> –Jeremiah 32:17cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-18078637641986534022012-09-13T21:27:00.003-07:002012-09-13T21:28:55.742-07:00into the light<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">"You saw me broken. You saw me battered. You saw me filthy. You saw me shattered. You saw me wicked. You saw me lying. You saw me failing. You saw me trying. You saw me angry. You saw me jealous. You saw me prideful. You saw me selfish. You saw me wander. You saw me lustful. You saw me striving. Worshiping idols. You said 'I <i>want</i> her. I <i>love</i> her. She's the one for me. I <i>choose</i> her. I <i>know</i> her. My blood has made her clean. She is my true love. Bring her to me.' Put a ring on her finger. Clothe her in my righteousness. Shine my light all around her. Place a crown upon her head. Keep her tears in a bottle. See her name upon my hands. And when she says, <i>'I don't deserve it'</i> tell her I took the nails instead. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">I took the nails instead.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Now she's always by his side. She stays in his arms day and night. Out of the cage, out of the shame. Into the Light. She's finding her beauty, she's finding her grace, she's finding her whole heart, she's showing her face... in the Light."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">(this song never ceases to wreck me and free me at exactly the same time. every time.)</span>cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-86267019680614264612012-09-01T16:06:00.000-07:002012-09-01T16:06:04.488-07:00GOODness<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">What is it about the ultimate prayer of surrender that causes such an emotional, knee jerk reaction of fear and anxiety? </span></strong></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
We don't have faith in who he is and what he can and promises to do. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
How come that is the ONE prayer in all the lines and requests of a praying soul that is the most dangerous and difficult to say? "I surrender <em>all</em>."<br />
<br />
Do you?<br />
<br />
How come the minute we pray it, remorse and an inevitable sense of “doom” follows? <br />
<br />
How come we, as followers of Christ, think that praying this prayer means that God will change everything, flip our lives completely upside down, and do the exact things we <u>don’t</u> want him to do? <br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">How come we so often believe that he wants the opposite of what we want?</span> Are we that far off the mark on his desires for us? Have we strayed so far off the vine in our relationship with him as to think that the desires planted deep inside of us are merely all of human creating and cultivating? And that, ultimately, he wants to rid us of these and plant in us something that’s completely contrary?<br />
<br />
Does anyone else think these things? Or am I alone here? <br />
<br />
<strong>Why do we treat God as if he’s the antagonist in our so-called God written story?</strong> Why do we so often doubt what he's put deep in our hearts and think we just "made it up" and think "well, that's what I want so it can't be what God wants." What causes us to think that somehow what God wants for us is <em>over there</em> on the <em>other side</em>; and we get a sense of forthcoming calamity because we just gave it all up to our God of the universe and now he’s going to strip us dry.<br />
<br />
Hold on a minute…are we still talking about the all-loving Creator? Are we still talking about our Lord and Savior who loves us so much that he sent his Son who died for us so we could live into eternity with him? Are we still talking about that God? <br />
<br />
I understand that, yes, sometimes the desires in our hearts are merely a shadow of what truly resides there. We think we desire something and yet God says "<em>Wait, I have something better for you. Something deeper and truer. Something you couldn't even imagine,"</em> and we know that such a journey to that "deeper" thing is usually accompanied by sorrow...and joy. We're scared of that journey because we know it will hurt. The plucking out of such a thing to re-plant something in us isn't exactly fun. Sowing is not easy. <br />
<br />
However, we’ve made a grave mistake when we constantly put our God on the opposite side of where we stand. <strong>When he's over there and we're over here and we are constantly at odds with what he wants and what we want. </strong> Of course, there is the continual tension of sanctification, becoming less of "self" and more of the "divine" and to do so, the self must die. And at times, we will find ourselves in opposition with him when our flesh takes the reigns. <br />
<br />
But if we constantly assume that God always wants the opposite of what we want, then we’ve questioned his character to our own utter disillusionment. He becomes just the Big-Bad-Dad who never gives us what we want. Do we not realize that our Father wants to give us the Kingdom? That he wants to give us good? <br />
<br />
By way of our own fears, we cease to take hold of the <strong>Truth</strong> of who he is and actually believe it. Why do we do this? <span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Why do we so often remorsefully surrender and likewise, expect some “awful fate" to happen once we do?</span><br />
<br />
Because we do not believe that he is for our GOOD.<br />
<br />
Of course, not all of God’s goodness for us “feels good,” but it is inherently good nonetheless.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>"Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; for His lovingkindness is everlasting."</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Was his goodness not shown “In the beginning…” As he created, he pronounced everything as “good.” After he created man, he acknowledged, “it is not good for man to be alone” so he created Eve. In the Garden of Eden, there was the tree of knowledge of “good and evil.” In the beginning, goodness existed; and that goodness is in the very character of God.</div>
<br />
<strong>God does not withhold anything that is truly good from His children. And he is the source of everything that is good.</strong><br />
<br />
God’s wrath is good. God’s holiness is good. God’s righteousness is good. God is good in his entirety. There is nothing about God that is not good. There is nothing God purposes for his children that is not good. God gives to his children only that which is good. And he withholds nothing good from us. God is good, and he is at work in our lives for good. Nothing which God creates, nothing which God accomplishes, is not good.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Got it?</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love him, to those who are called according to his purpose."</em></div>
<br />
The goodness of God is a foundational truth that shapes our perspective toward him and his dealings with us in this life.<br />
<br />
<strong>"</strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>In</strong> <strong>the biblical account of the fall of Adam and Eve, it is significant that Satan’s attack was on this dimension of the character of God. It is true Satan virtually called God a liar, but the first attack of Satan was waged against the attribute of his goodness. It was a subtle attack, but one that should be obvious to the Christian."</strong></span><br />
<br />
We do this, don't we? We call God a liar every time we fail to take hold of the truth that he is good and "go on our own (unwise) way." <br />
<br />
The one thing in the garden which was not good to eat was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Satan’s seemingly innocent question was intended to undermine Eve’s confidence in the goodness of God. By the time Satan had finished, Eve had come to view God as the one who is less than good, and the forbidden fruit being that which is good. <span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Once Eve doubted the goodness of God, it was a great deal easier for her to disobey Him.</span> If God was not good and was not acting for her good, then why should she obey him? Why should she not act independently of God in seeking her own good—the forbidden fruit?<br />
<br />
Take note: Satan will charge and aim to manipulate your perspective of God. And when he succeeds, it gets a lot easier for him to persuade you to disobey your Lord.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong>God is good. All the time. He is on the Throne. All the time.</strong></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
It's when you de-throne him in your heart, failing to believe in his very character, that leads you to disobedience. That's when you take the bite of the forbidden fruit and despair inevitably follows.<br />
<br />
If he says "no" or "not yet," it's not because he's punishing you and playing games with your heart; he is only waiting for the <em>right</em> and <em>perfect</em> time to bless you and bring Glory to himself. Waiting on him is a discipline - a discipline of patience - and only a Good Father disciplines his children <em>lovingly</em> so to make the blessings doubly precious. A character of a man/woman who knows patience- and has learned to wait well- is a heart to be reckoned with! The kingdom of darkness will surely suffer for it.<br />
<br />
So we surrender. Bit by bit. We surrender some here, some there... over and over again. (Because let's face it, do we really surrender it <em>all</em> at once?) We surrender it as best we can, imperfectly for sure and many times only in part (because we love to cling), and each time we do, we remind ourselves of the Truth that he is <em>good</em> and surrendering to him is <em>good</em> and handing it over to him is<em> good. </em>Sometimes -many times - it's in tears or frustration and we ask him, "<strong>How many times do I have to surrender this one thing?" </strong> And it's in that moment we surrender the useless habit of keeping count of our surrendered-ness on this particular topic and heartache. <br />
<br />
<strong>We surrender each time as if it were the first time. </strong>And we patiently wait for our good God to come through for us.cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-39286482065787040012012-08-24T14:47:00.000-07:002012-08-24T14:47:48.701-07:00the language of tears.I swear sometimes being a girl is freaking weird. Only a girl would understand why. But I found myself at work today working on some paperwork that had to get done and I couldn’t keep the tears back. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">“Please Lord let no one walk into my office right now!” </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
I smile to hide how overwhelmed I am.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<strong>Sometimes the tears come and I have no idea why. </strong><br />
<strong>Those are the hardest ones to let fall.</strong><br />
<br />
I'm pretty sure every woman knows <em>exactly </em>what I'm talking about.<br />
<br />
I could try and attach my tears to something of which would (most likely) be completely valid. But I spent too much of my life trying to fix myself. I quit that job a few years ago and refuse to re-hire myself for it. It’s a poor job anyway. So lately, I’ve just been letting them flow.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Lord, reveal my heart to me. Because sometimes it’s just a complicated and confused place.</span><br />
<br />
I lean not on my own understanding. Besides, I couldn't lean on my own understanding if I wanted to. Because I don't understand!<br />
<br />
It’s so hard to be okay on a day (or a week) when you just don’t feel okay. I mean, “it’s all going to be okay.” That I know. That I believe. He is for my good all the time. They are not tears of despair. They are just tears. I am so incredibly thankful – even amidst the internal frustration I face lately.<br />
<br />
<strong>It turns out that living out of my weakness is a giant pain in the you-know-what.</strong> I need him desperately,<br />
<br />
"I need thee, oh how I need thee. Every hour I need thee." A favorite hymn I keep humming lately.<br />
<br />
I think sometimes we forget that it’s okay to have a hard day… or a hard week. Or a hard year! Sometimes (and maybe I’m just speaking for myself) I forget that <em>Jesus wept too</em>. He felt every emotion – the highest joys and the deepest sorrows – should I expect any different? He felt the pain of others. He felt the ache. The groaning of humanity. The longing. The righteous anger. The days when the heart just feels fragile. “When I am weak, He is strong.”<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Sometimes I am simply too hard on myself, expecting things from myself that he knows I’m not ready for. I hide the tears and hold them back instead of letting them fall. I fear going in my room, shutting the door, falling on the floor and just crying. Because what does that even mean? (It doesn’t matter Cort just let it out) Or because…what if? I have to "be strong" for people. Even more, I have to "be strong" for myself. I mean, I've got ish I have to get done! When did I get so prideful? Good grief!<br />
<br />
I’ve noticed lately that sometimes I’m almost afraid to cry; as if tears are something to be ashamed of.<strong> </strong>Afraid that, maybe, whatever it is he has to show me, I'm too scared to see. Or what if I just let it all out and tell him how I'm feeling, and he's silent?<strong> Sometimes I'm afraid to let myself be vulnerable to him, putting my heart out there, and risking his silence. </strong>But then I think, that salty, soul-cleansing water, dripping down my face <em>has</em> to serve a purpose. As if God doesn’t use tears to do something inside of us that nothing else can. Just like laughter. <strong>Tears and laughter. Two very distinct, important, and purposed languages used by God.</strong> Do we know and can we make sense of exactly what they do in our hearts? No. There is no need.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So I cry til I laugh.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And I laugh til I cry.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<strong>Sometimes the heart just does things that we can’t explain, fix, or figure out.</strong> I have found lately it’s drawn me closer to him in a very unique way. I trust him to show me what I need to see. I really do <em>want</em> to see whatever it is he has to show me. I trust him to work it all out inside me, doing what he does best, and equipping me for what is to come.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
What is this twirling and swirling feeling inside me? I can’t make sense of it. But he does. He knows exactly what he’s doing. And though I cannot put my finger on all that he’s doing, I can rest-assured, knowing that he’s moving within me, healing places, lighting up places, and toiling that soil in my soul; preparing me for something, ripening me for something.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And I go to the Psalms, “When my heart is overwhelmed within me; lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.” </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And so I wipe my tears off my face with the sleeve of my work shirt and keep working. I remind myself of what’s true, “God is my shepherd” and he would never lead this heart to a place it’s not prepared and willing to go. <strong>I remind myself that tears are okay – and often necessary to get the heart ready for what is to come. Just like laughter, they’re a language in and of themselves. And though these eyes speak the language, this mouth cannot interpret what they say. That I have officially left to my God from now on.</strong></div>
<br />
It’s okay to let them fall when they need to fall. They don’t freak him out (even if sometimes they freak me out!) There is a reason for every tear. Every single one is counted. Every single one is kept safely in his hands. <br />
<br />
So I trust that he will use them – even when I don’t know why they fall or what they’re for; to wait on him with such a great hope and authentic gratitude that he is a good God ALL THE TIME even when I feel like this “asldkmoacijseriajsef.” <br />
<br />
Oh, how eloquent.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-36345058461106953212012-08-17T09:37:00.002-07:002012-08-17T09:37:11.235-07:00Birds.<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Hearing the birds sing out my window this morning is reminding me of such a peace filled Truth: God provides. "Are you not more valuable than they?" Do not worry. He's got it.</span> </div>
cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-48449832274271179212012-08-13T16:39:00.001-07:002012-08-13T16:43:02.954-07:00Hey you.Guess what?<br />
<br />
Your God no longer calls you a servant, since servants don’t know their masters business. Instead, he calls you friend. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong>FRIEND</strong>.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Everything he learned from the Father, he shares with you. You did not choose him, <em>but he chose YOU</em>. He took you from the ends of the earth; from the furthest corners he called you. <br />
<br />
He has chosen you to go bear fruit that will last forever in his Kingdom. And as you receive him, you are called to continue to <em>live in him</em>. Do not let anyone, including culture, deceive you from living in the fullness of Christ – who is the head of everything. <br />
<br />
Do not keep looking back at yesterday and all those mistakes you made and let it fill you with gloom and a self-condemned, saddened heart. And on the contrary, do not look back at all those "great things" you've done and allow it to puff you up with self-complacency.<br />
<br />
<strong>Be like Paul: forget what is behind (leave it behind!) and strain toward what is ahead. </strong><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u>MOVE FORWARD.</u> </div>
<br />
Nothing is wrong with contemplative thoughts and healings of your past life. That is necessary. But do not allow your reference with the past interfere with the greatest prize of all.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong>An incorruptible crown.</strong></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><em>Press on.</em></strong></div>
<br />
He has made you alive in his Holy Name. Do you hear that? ALIVE! So this gift – this love – must further stimulate your growth. You must continue to grow; as anything that has ceased growing is no longer living and alive (when plants stop growing, do they not go brown, dehydrated, and die?) <br />
<br />
<em>He took away everything that abandoned you to a lost identity and he nailed it to the Cross.</em> Through his hands and his feet. He took it all. No need to try and “find yourself” or “establish your personality.” <br />
<br />
He created you. <br />
He established you. <br />
He formed you. <br />
He knows you by name. <br />
He knows all you've been through.<br />
<br />
<em>He knows exactly who you are to be!</em> <strong>The more you give yourself up to him and who he is, the more of the true you that you become. </strong><br />
<br />
<strong>You are who loves you</strong>– and Jesus Christ loves you. He hovers over you. Following after you, wherever you go. Waiting, patiently waiting, for you to call on him. You are defined by that love – and the ways in which you are compelled by it – and nothing less, nothing more, and nothing further.<br />
<br />cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-11475696370882227552012-07-31T16:56:00.001-07:002012-07-31T16:56:05.773-07:00we want to be led.<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/yLr6G8Xy5uc" width="560"></iframe>cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-66254180560161900482012-07-27T09:45:00.002-07:002012-07-27T09:45:58.385-07:00What Kind Of Guy Should I Be Looking For?<br />
<br />
(I couldn't have said it better myself. A blog post from one of my favorites: <a href="http://jedbrewer.tumblr.com/archive">http://jedbrewer.tumblr.com/archive</a>) <br />
<br />
One of the most common – and most beautiful – attributes amongst Christian ladies is a desire to nurture. A desire to comfort, and encourage, and serve.<br />
<br />
In the right context, this is an amazing, Godly aim. In the wrong context, it will really mess you up.<br />
<br />
What tends to happen for a lot of Christian gals is that they see a guy who is – and this is a theological phrase – a wounded puppy. He’s sad and discouraged and probably wants something spiritual in his life but isn’t sure how that would work for him and aw shucks and who’s-to-say. And, for these Christian gals, that desire to nurture kicks in. Problem is, it quickly transitions to a desire to date said wounded puppy. And this will not work.<br />
<br />
There’s a line from an old poem that says, “None but the brave deserve the fair.” Ladies, I want you to emblazon this on your subconscious minds. None but the brave deserve the fair.<br />
<br />
Why do I say this? Because a Christian woman deserves to be with a Godly man. Not a boy, not a teenager, not an adolescent. A man.<br />
<br />
And, make no mistake, being a man isn’t about chronological age. It’s about personal and spiritual maturity. Here are some benchmarks to consider:<br />
<br />
- A man is not looking for and does not need you to fix him. He’s already working things out with the Lord – just the two of them.<br />
<br />
- A man knows where he stands spiritually.<br />
<br />
- A man is confident in who he is and what he brings to the table.<br />
<br />
- A man has the humility to know what his weaknesses, limitations, and growing-edges are, and is addressing them.<br />
<br />
- A man knows where he’s going in life – following the Lord – and isn’t willing to get off course for you or anyone else.<br />
<br />
So, then, what does that look like lived out?<br />
<br />
- A man will meet you and spend some time getting to know you. He will pray for you and about you, and seek counsel from people farther along in the Lord than himself. He will not rush into anything. When he has a firm word from the Lord that this is a relationship from the Lord – and not before – he will move forward.<br />
<br />
- He will summon the courage to ask you out on a date. He will not hem and haw, he will not say, “hey, maybe we should hang out, you know, sometime.” He will say, “I’d like to take you out for dinner. On a date. What do you say?”<br />
<br />
- He will tell you how he feels about you. And I’m not talking, “So, you seem cool, and, yeah, it’s cool to hang out.” I’m talking, “You need to know that I’m crazy about you. I admire the heart you have for the Lord and the lost. I respect your walk. I value your authenticity. And I think you’re hot as all get out. If that doesn’t work for you, I understand, but you should know where I’m coming from.”<br />
<br />
- A man will insist that both of you go to the Lord and ask for wisdom on what the Lord wants the physical boundaries to be for this relationship.<br />
<br />
- A man will then insist that those boundaries are followed whether you like it or not. And if you start to get out of pocket, he will say, “Darling, don’t try and start something I won’t let you finish.” And he will mean it.<br />
<br />
Everything I’ve just described requires courage. It requires bravery. It takes a man to pull it off.<br />
<br />
And if there’s a dude out there that can’t man up, then he doesn’t deserve you. God does not want you to settle, and trust me, you don’t need to.<br />
<br />
Remember, sisters: None but the brave deserve the fair.cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-79313754953723693182012-07-17T15:25:00.000-07:002012-07-17T19:50:42.357-07:00Exposed Desires.<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">In Christ I have the freedom to be exposed.</span></b></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I
cannot live separate from my heart. I'll admit that I've tried. By
"tried" I mean that in the past, I tried to "work around"
the desires God has put inside me. I didn't even know I was doing it.
Following wherever he goes has always been so important to me. But
following him to the deepest desires in my heart? Well, that was hard.
Especially when I didn't even know what they were. Or that they
were even there. And what if once I faced those desires, they didn't come to fruition? What if I was just left disappointed? I was afraid to face them and risk God's silence... as if he doesn't keep his promises.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">This
desire I speak of is a very specific one. It has to do with what I want in a
man. It has been quite the journey.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Time
and time again, I see women entering into relationship with a man not even
knowing who she is – how precious, treasured, and delighted in she is. She doesn’t understand her worth. So she goes after a man – probably a
good man – but not the right man.
And in her frustrations with not being able to find “that guy” and in
her unbelief of her own worth, she settles for less than what she needs and
what she deserves as a woman of God. Or maybe she even chooses not to be in a
relationship because she’s disenchanted and discouraged. She’s lost hope. So she begins to ignore those desires
deep down inside her. And so she
starts to live separate from her heart.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Through my own story of heartbreak, God began to show me things I was scared to see. Things I was
afraid to admit that I wanted. Afraid because it all sounded too good to
be true. Afraid because from where I sat, "he didn't exist."
Were my expectations "too high?" Was I being
unreasonable? Subconsciously I answered yes to those internal
questions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">That's
been the recent "thing" in me lately. The Lord has truly dug up
some deep desires in me this last year or so. But of course, his work
began far before that! It wasn't a prying dig. It was like my
heart was buried in the middle of a desert. Buried beneath the surface of
the dry, barren and hot land. By using his breath he brought the winds
and the rain. And as he did he
slowly but surely uncovered me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Now
that some of those hidden desires have been revealed, I feel so exposed. It was quite a revelational moment when
I was able to stare at my lack of belief square in the eyes and see (for maybe
the first time ever) what I “deserve” or rather, what he wants for me –
especially in a man, in a husband, and in a father of the kids I someday hope
to have.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I had never seen it quite like that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;">Now I
am aware – so aware – of what I want.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;">
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;">What I need in someone.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;">So
aware that I find myself protecting it all the time.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;">I keep wrapping myself up in wisdom and
his words.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;">I feel so blown open, I
can’t not.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;">I continually fight the
fear that creeps up on me,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><i>“Don’t
bother, Cort. He’s just going to break your heart like the last one did.” </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">That
voice that tells me to bury my heart in the desert. That voice that tries to discourage me. Defeat me. And drown the desires he's put there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">And
as the tears fall and that fleshly urge creeps in to “self protect,” I
remember…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><b>Purity. Of. Heart. </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">That’s
what I’m after. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I
think to myself: if my heart breaks, then it breaks. But at least it will be pure. At least it will be free.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">But
it is quite the experience when my God shows me what he wants for me in a
man. I am humbled to the point of
weeping. Because he loves me so
much. And that love I cannot
fathom. That’s what makes it such
a Great Love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I am
created for nothing less.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">For
years, I “internally settled.” I
didn’t consciously lack faith in a big God, but that was just it, I lacked
faith. And even more, as a woman I didn’t believe that I was
worth being loved that much by God and by a man. I mean, “I knew it,” but I didn’t earnestly believe it. And therein lied the problem.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I
settled. I gave up on the
inside. Not knowing I was doing
it. Because I didn’t understand my
worth. I didn’t know what he
wanted for me. Well, not entirely. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;">It’s
not that I was some girl “settling” for any man. I’m not a dater. But I did settle on my lack of hope and
belief that he did exist… and that God was working on his heart just as he
was working on mine. But even in
my “settling” there was something that boiled inside me that just couldn’t get
out. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">It
felt like a burn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">A
burning heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I
couldn’t put my finger on it. I
couldn’t make sense of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I
tried to ignore it even.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">It
was the desires of my heart, down in my deep, making themselves known. It was like a, <i>“Here we are! We are
down here! Don’t bother settling for less than what we are because we aren’t
going anywhere. You can’t kill us
off. You can’t ignore us forever! We will burn into a fiery flame if
that’s what it takes for you to get it!”</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">And
as it was, a fiery flame ensued. An all consuming one.
Something about it burned off the gap that separated me from my heart; that gap that didn’t believe in the woman I was and what God wanted for
me. Before I could even grasp
it, I was whole. I <i>believed</i>. I
believed from the very depths of who I am. And that has changed everything. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">In
all the Lord has shown me about himself, about me, and about the man he desires
for me – I find myself nervous.
Nervous because what he’s shown me sounds just too good to be true. I don’t live in a fairy tale
world. Never have. So it’s not like that. It’s just this simple realization of an
incredible truth:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">He
wants THE BEST for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Not
good. Not great. The BEST. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">(I mean, think about it for a second. He is GOD. And he wants your BEST. Is that not crazy?)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I
have finally accepted that. No, I
have embraced it. I have believed
it. I have literally danced (in my kitchen while cooking) around that truth. And I understand now – quite
profoundly – that the desires he has placed there will be fulfilled. But with the realiziation of such a
precious thing, I want to protect it with everything in me. I fight the battle
of fear that tells me not to live from my heart. The fear that tells me God won’t come through. The fear that tells me he’s just
playing games. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">But
then I come back to what I want – and I want my heart to be free. I want it pure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><b>And I
am free only when I allow him to be in control.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">In
the past, these burning desires didn’t have a place to land. The few relationships I have been in,
the man has struggled with my “depth.” (His words, not mine). I struggle with that; I still don’t know what the heck that even means. I just
want to know the Lord. I want to follow him even if it makes me look like an
absolute fool. I want to be whole
in him. And above all else, I
desire those things first. If
that’s “too deep,” then well, I guess that’s that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">And
that is what happened. Those
relationships ended. Pretty painfully. And I was left with
this feeling and this question, <i>“Is there something wrong with me?”</i><i> </i> Because when a man – who is called to
lead – can’t “handle” how I choose to live, I wondered if I was doing it all
wrong. I didn’t understand how this all became a liability for
me. I didn’t understand why I had
to dim myself down to make this other person feel more secure. Almost feeling guilty for being
me. And then, amidst heartache, I
began to wonder if there was even a man that existed who can “handle” it. (As if
it should be something to be "handled" anyway!). Or better, a man that existed who has maybe felt
similar. A man who has, perhaps,
been on a similar road of frustration, discouragement, and points of feeling like
“giving up” and that "maybe she just doesn't exist." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I
wrestled for months with this part of me.
Wrestled with how God created me and the heart he put inside me. <i> "</i><i>God why can’t I just be more like this…
or like that… then maybe a man would feel more “like a man” if I was less than
who I was."</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">But
to be so eloquent, that’s just complete crap. That's not real. And finally, I surrendered.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><b>Freedom.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">This
is me. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay. It is GOOD. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">No, I
am not for every man. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">But I
will not marry every man. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I
will marry one man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">And
he will get it. Somehow. He will get it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I
suppose that’s one of the best parts about a union. Even about meeting someone new. Two hearts colliding, rubbing up against each other and
letting God build the bridges, close the gaps, and connect how he sees fit. He is so perfect at it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I
can’t try to be someone I’m not. I
can’t bury my desires because I’m afraid what I really desire doesn’t
exist. I can’t hide my heart
because I’m scared of exposing it to a God that knows every piece of it anyway. <o:p></o:p></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 21px;">I can't be a "less than" so the man I'm with feels "adequate." Besides, I thought iron sharpened iron.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">In
fact, it’s in the exposing of my heart where I have been able to see his goodness all
that much more. It’s where I’ve
come to believe that who I am doesn’t scare God off. And for the right man that he has for
me, it won’t scare him off either.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">So I
will unapologetically and without reservation or hesitation be me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><b>And there is nothing more thrilling and satisfying than living from the heart.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I’d
rather be single for the rest of my life than be in a relationship or marriage
where I don’t have the freedom to be the authentic and real Cortney. That’s not love. And love and freedom go together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I
have discovered – even though hearts can be messy – that there is so much
insane beauty in living from that place.
Like someone always tells me, “Let your heart show up. Beauty comes with it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Of
course – for all the women out there – this is not easy (at first!) Not every man will want you. In fact, some might look at you like a downright nut for living so free. Look at them and smile. Not every man will be able to care and
cherish your most precious treasure.
And that’s okay. Not every
man was meant to. So we guard our
heart in the Lord – in wisdom and understanding – and we trust and depend on
his word that he will give us the desires of our heart as we delight ourselves
in him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Sometimes,
that wait can be long. But as I read once – and believe this whole heartedly –
<i>“Rest assured that if God waits longer than we desire, it’s to make the
blessings doubly precious.”</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">I
want the women of this world to believe in their worth. Their beauty. Their gifts. I
want them to believe in what they have to offer. That what they carry is so needed. Women who don’t oppress the desires of their heart out of
fear and unbelief, but women who know who they are and live it out fearlessly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Women
like that – who are being their true, authentic self – call men higher to <b>be
MEN.</b> Not by her nagging or
complaining, not even by what she says, <i>but by how she lives. From her heart.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">So,
for those women…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Be YOU. No other woman can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Don’t
know who she is yet?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Ask
him. He’ll show you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">But
it has to be from a heart that truly wants to see that woman.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Trust me, he’ll call you to a higher place than you’d ever planned for yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">You are
inifinitely more than what you realize and currently believe about
who you are. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><i>The
desires in your heart are there on purpose. They aren’t a mistake. </i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Those ways you need to be cherished
aren’t some surface, flippant, or lofty desire. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><i>They are real. Let them live.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">You
have to fight for what he’s placed inside you. If you don’t, you’ll end up with a heart buried beneath the
surface of a dry, barren, and hot land.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">You
have to let your heart breathe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">You
have to let it run free.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">You
have to be YOU.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">And
if you feel the burning, let it burn. It will burn
itself to the surface and burn off all those ways that you settled for
less than what you need, deserve and desire. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">God
will bring the right man – a good man – at the perfect time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">(He
works quite slow as foundations take time).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">And
along the way – and in the waiting – you will see that no, you’re not for every
man. And that’s okay. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><b>You’re
still A Chosen One.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Besides,
you won’t marry every man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">You
will marry one man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">Imperfect
for certain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">But
he will get it. He will cherish
you. He will want to know your heart. And you will want to know his. He will let you be the free
you. And he will love <i>that</i> you. Because that’s the <i>true</i> you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>Sound
too good to be true?<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>I
know.<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>But that's just it.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>It is good.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>And it's also true.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>God is in the business of nothing less.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">He
meant what he said you know, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;"><i>“Delight yourself in me and I will give you the
desires of your heart.”</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">It’s
not poetry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 16pt;">It’s
a promise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-25317929947004781282012-07-07T23:21:00.003-07:002012-07-17T15:28:21.169-07:00Old Stone Tablets.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">sometimes i face a dilemma. sometimes there is a topic that i really want to write about, but can't. i sit down to write about this particular topic and out comes something completely different. out comes this flood of gosh knows what. it is then i realize that my heart is intricately linked to my fingertips whether i like it or not. it goes something like this...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">i saw people casually walking down some friendly neighborhood street. each person was carrying their heart. literally, their physical heart. but the thing is, most of the hearts didn't look so good.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">this one girl was pulling hers by a rope. it was being dragged behind her. she paid no attention to the mud it collected and the chunks that fell off as it skid along the asphalt. she was too busy trying to impress this guy who was walking beside her. she was flirty and fun. she was googly-eyed and, to put it lightly, rather distracted.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">and desperate.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">this guy she was hopelessly trying to make notice her was carrying his heart too. though he wasn't carrying it. he was kicking it along - the way you would kick a soccer ball down the street. with every step...a kick. and then another. he really had no interest in the girl. how could he? his heart was getting kicked around and hers was dragging in the mud. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">then i saw this woman, probably in her late thirties, and she was carrying her heart in a plastic bag. the bag was old and had some leaks. the blood of her wounded heart kept dripping through the holes, leaving a trail of blood behind her wherever she walked. she was oblivious to it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">i saw this man, probably in his late thirties, and he was carrying his heart in a steel safe. it was locked inside and no one had the code to get in. not even him. he kept looking at all the others with an air of condemnation "they don't know what they're doing just throwing and dragging their hearts around, letting them break and fall." he walked with arrogance and with self-righteous pride.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">then i saw this woman - she was carrying her heart too. but hers was adorned with the most beautiful words, written on old stone tablets, hanging from her heart by the most light-filled, golden thread. words like: love. faithfulness. WISDOM. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">but then, she did something. she walked up to the man who was carrying his heart inside the safe. and as she did, she hid hers. she tore off the beautiful gold strings and those stone tablets, and she shoved her heart into her pocket and pretended like it didn't exist. she initiated conversation with this man; imitated someone she wasn't, hiding her heart away in her back pocket, hoping that he would find her more attractive if she were "more like him." and the more she pretended, the more she doubted those old stone tablets; the more she justified tearing them off. and in all of her self-talk, her heart kept beating and pulsing stronger and faster as it sat in her pocket. she would ever so secretly without him noticing, take her hand and hold it over her back pocket and squeeze her heart to the point of its suffocation. she couldn't be bothered by it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">her motives were clear: get him to unlock his safe. because if he did, well then he would be able to "love her." all of this at the expense of her own destruction. </span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">____________________________________________________________________</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">isn't that was Proverbs tell us? those wisdom chapters. "do this and find life" or "do that and find death." "do this and find prosperity" or "do that and find destruction." sometimes that Truth can be tough to swallow. it's just so black and white. so we fight it and try to live in the in-between. we don't believe it when we're told that our heart is the wellspring of life.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b><u>ABOVE ALL ELSE.</u> guard your heart. it is a wellspring</b>. <u>from there all life flows. </u> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">i suppose what i have been noticing, contemplating, and praying about is this thing i keep seeing. people not guarding their heart (and we've all done it, myself included). people dragging it in the mud, walling it off, hiding it, kicking it, letting it bleed. even more, people who know the Truth - people who could recite these wisdom verses to you - and yet they've tore those tablets clear off and decided to just "do their own thing." it makes my insides hurt. literally. my stomach hurts as i write. i've cried some serious tears lately as i've watched people try and convince themselves that though they have gone astray, somehow it won't end in a fall. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">we're living amongst a culture where we ignore Wisdom (suffocated, back pocket hearts) and we deny our hurt (leaving a trail of blood wherever we go).</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">so we get a bunch of people who self-destruct and never heal.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">i understand. we are all on our own "journey." i get it. i totally do. sometimes things just have to happen. and the Lord allows it. He is in control of all hearts - he knows us all. that relieves me immensely. thank God that he is God. i know he's got it... but that doesn't mean it's easy to watch people treat their heart like it's no big deal.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">like it doesn't matter. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">like it's unaffected.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">like it's not wounded and hurt. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">like it isn't completely lost.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">all we have to do is go to Proverbs to see how important - and life giving - Wisdom is. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom."</span> and there we see that we are told to wrap our heart up in it. and when we do, well...we find God.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, <i>turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,</i> and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you <i>look</i> for it as silver and <i>search</i> for it as hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">"...Then you will understand what is right and just and fair - every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and <i>understanding will guard you</i>." </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">you don't guard your heart in steel.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">or pride.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">or shame.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">or common sense.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">or in a boy or a girl.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; <i><u>nothing you desire can compare with her</u>.</i> Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. <u>Her ways are pleasant ways and all her paths are peace</u>. She is a <u>tree of life </u>to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">when i read these ancient words they tell me something very clear: do this and FIND LIFE. do this and FIND GOD. i am to hold on to this instruction. i am to seek out this wisdom even if it costs me everything. and then i am to guard my heart in it because it brings me what is truly life. "...Do not forget my words or swerve from them. Do not forsake wisdom and she will protect you; love her and she will watch over you."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i could go on and on... but scripture is rather straight-forward here. why then, do we think we know better? why do we forsake wisdom? why do we tear off the stone tablets on our heart? why do we kick it around, drag it around, and fail to notice that it's just bleeding everywhere? why do we not seek wisdom - ahem, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>hunt it down</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> - and then guard our heart all up in it, believing that it is </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>life and death important</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> and that it is the spring from which everything else in us will flow. </span></span><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Was the Word not clear or do you just not believe it?</span></b></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">and if the Word is clear, but it's just not that important to you than there has to be something about it you don't believe. something is keeping you from "guarding your heart" and i doubt it's just sheer laziness. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">but even then... Satan loves laziness.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">i get it. when Proverbs 4 reads, "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right of the left." sometimes, that can be really hard. like, <i>really</i> hard. but here's the thing, if you get Wisdom you will "fear the Lord and find the knowledge of God." and when you fear (revere) him, he gets huge. he gets grand. <i>he is magnified.</i> </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">ever looked through a magnifying glass at something? you can see detail. movement. a whole new world opens up through that looking glass...right? that's what happens here. God becomes even more REAL. even more ALIVE. you begin to see him in ways you haven't before. you begin to see him for who he truly is - and not all those traits you put on him. and so you start to trust him more. and love him more. you begin to experience that he really does want your good - and only your good. you grow into an even deeper relationship with him ("<i>deep calls to deep</i>"). and when you are intimately walking with <i>that</i> God? well... looking ahead, staying focused, and fixing your gaze directly before you becomes something you <i>want to do</i>, not merely something you try to do. you're not going to be as easily distracted anymore. you're not going to swerve to the right and to the left. why would you? your God is straight-ahead. true life is straight-ahead. you believe that now. and so you go after it with everything in you. you no longer see your life as constantly having to say "no" to all those distractions and those "things you think you want and aren't allowed to have,"but you see your life as an incredible gift, saying an emphatic "YES" to the God before you. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">you don't even need to use your "no's" because you're no longer distracted.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">recently my pastor wrote me an email encouraging me in something and in part, he wrote, "... and I sensed God's hand upon your life - GUARD IT WITH EVERYTHING IN YOU!" </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">i loved the way he wrote it - it was inspiring. it was convicting. my ears perked up and i thought to myself, "this is instruction. LISTEN." i just got this picture of every force and every power of God, arming me up to guard what he deems as such precious treasure: my heart. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">this is where i sit up at the tip of my chair and roll my wrists...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"ABOVE ALL ELSE, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."</span></b></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">your heart is an insanely precious treasure. it is not to be abused by choosing the ways of this world. it is not to be ignored or denied. it is not to be locked away and hidden. <b>it has to be <i>guarded in the right way </i>or else everything will suffer. </b></span><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> and if you don't seek wisdom, you won't know how to guard it.</span></b></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">wisdom is clear on this point: choosing another way leads to death. destruction. a bleeding and unhealed heart. </span></b></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">(but i suppose some of us are simply committed to learning this the hard way.)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">this is what i ask: listen closely to what God says. keep your eye on the wisdom of his Word at all times. do not leave it behind. do not forget to take it with you. do not shelf it. do not compromise it. do not downplay it. do not dilute it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">do not carry your wounded heart in a plastic bag. do not kick it around. do not drag it through the mire. do not hide it. do not lock it away. do not suffocate it. your heart is to be <i>protected</i>. it is vital. this is your life we're talking about. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">offer up your tattered, beaten up, kicked-around, and dragged-through-the-mud heart to the hands of God. he's the only one that can heal it. and his wisdom is the only thing that can direct it. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">yes. this road is narrow. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">yes. it's not always easy. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">yes, it's going to cost you.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">but yes, it's so remarkably worth it.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">make the decision. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">remember what I asked?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Was the Word not clear or do you just not believe it?</span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">these are eternal decisions. not temporal ones.</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">do not forsake Wisdom. keep it deep within your heart. </span></b></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">and you will find God - the giver of everything good - who gives True life to those who earnestly seek it.</span></b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-13213064067115783082012-06-30T11:59:00.000-07:002012-06-30T11:59:33.119-07:00BEAUTIFUL.<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/eS_jo4s2s1A" width="560"></iframe>cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-71832049806523876832012-06-22T18:38:00.000-07:002012-06-22T18:38:42.083-07:00Unconventional Companions.I have these 2 friends. They choreographed this beautiful dance I was taught. <br />
I have these 2 friends. They taught me how to climb. To climb mountains and scale walls.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They took my hand and guided me through the night forest. <br />
I have these 2 friends. They would sit by me when I needed to fall apart and cry.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They told me to embrace the pain and the heartache. To feel the weight of both.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They encouraged me to lean into them, to embrace them with Hope.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They wisely told me that if I ignored or avoided them, they wouldn't give me the freedom and healing I needed - not because they weren't capable or didn't desire to - but because my avoidance positioned me unable to receive what my Father desperately wanted me to have.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They led me through the dark corners, the eery places, the lonely and unpaved roads. <br />
I have these 2 friends. They took me down...down... and down further into the valley. That valley of loss; where the reality of what's gone, of who's gone, was felt at the very depth of my created being. I didn't know the valley could go that low.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They bathed me in tears. My tears.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They told me to mourn. And to never avoid it. To never cut it short.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They humbled me. Annihilated any pride I had left to "get through it on my own and not talk about it."<br />
I have these 2 friends. They told me I can't conquer what I'm not willing to confront.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They brought the rain and the clouds. They brought the thunder. The lighting.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They would take my hand and when they did, it hurt. It stung. It pained me deeply. But I took their hands anyway.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They taught me how to face my fears. And when one of those very big fears came true, they showed me how to grieve.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They showed me how to give it all up; to sacrifice and surrender all that I'm so terrified to let go of. <br />
I have these 2 friends. They told me that by accepting them as friends it would teach me courage. <br />
I have these 2 friends. They told me that the world would advise me to run from them; to flee. They told me not to listen because their presence held a promise. A promise that would change everything. It would change me. <br />
I have these 2 friends. They were best friends to Affliction. Cousins to Pain. They were the children of Adversity.<br />
I have these 2 friends. They were unconventional and un-ordinary friends. Friends most wouldn't call a "friend."<br />
<br />
But I did. I learned to.<br />
<br />
My friend's name's are Sorrow and Suffering. The two gifted friendships from the Father Himself that no one ever longs for.<br />
<br />
These friends, Sorrow and Suffering, they did something. They did what my Father said they would do. They changed me. They changed me in a way I could never do on my own without them. Not only did they change me, but they gave what was promised.<br />
<br />
They choreographed this beautiful dance I was taught. Joy were the feet that I danced it with.<br />
<br />
They taught me the path up the mountain and secured me to scale the walls. Peace was my life rope; it was my calm, steady heart that formed within me as I climbed up surfaces that would normally cause me to tremble and hide.<br />
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They were the hands I clenched through the dark forest. Joy was the afterglow of trusting them through it, believing that it wouldn't stay dark forever simply because my Father said so.<br />
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<i>He said so.</i> That was enough for me to keep going.<br />
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They helped me fall to pieces - to lose all my own strength only to gain His. Joy, compelled by the power of God, is what raised me back up again. Real life. New life. <br />
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They would whisper to me <i>"Let us in to your pain, let us in to your heartache, we are the first healing balm for your soul." </i>And when I did I felt the weight of their existence - believing in what was promised that the deeper I allow my friend's Sorrow and Suffering to go, the deeper my friend's Joy and Peace can live. <br />
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They took me to low places - not despairing and depressed - but low; where all I had was a friend in them. It was there in the valley of complete loss that I found fellowship with the cousin's to Pain. I clung to them. Wringing out every single thing they had to offer. Not wanting to waste or miss a thing. And as my fellowship with them grew, so did the Joy.<br />
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They brought the rain upon me. Watered the seeded soil inside me. Those seeds knew what awaited them above the surface of the soil. The Son. Joy was the sun that drew the first bit of green life out of the surface of the earth.<br />
<br />
They brought the lightning and thunder. Peace was the composer that taught me how to sing amidst the storm.<br />
<br />
They took out their white wash cloths, pure as snow, dipped it in a bucket of my tears and washed me with it. Gently. Lovingly. They whispered and reminded me, <i>"The Promise He promised stays true. Even now. Even when it appears and feels like it doesn't."</i> And at that moment, my friend Peace burned inside me. It was then I knew...Peace was beginning to burn out the Suffering.<br />
<br />
They told me it was good to surrender it all over; to empty my hands and my bags of all I was carrying. They told me He had something better for me. And I believed them. So I surrendered it all - over and over again - day after day. For weeks. For months and months. And every single time, my friend Joy burned inside me. It was then I knew... Joy was beginning to burn out the Sorrow.<br />
<br />
God knows that there are some things that only Sorrow and Suffering can do. They are experts at it. As backward and counter-cultural as it sounds, they can be some of the greatest companions you've ever had. Because the truth is, "on the other side" of your affliction, your pain, and your adversity, Sorrow and Suffering are going to transform into Joy and Peace. Their purpose is made perfect in your humble and surrendered weakness. Let them in. And when you do, cling to and declare the Hope of His Promise. Hold God to His Word. <br />
<br />
Joy needs Sorrow in order to become Joy. Peace needs Suffering in order to become Peace. <br />
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Don't waste your pain.<br />
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</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">***Inspired by Hinds Feet on High Places. A book everyone should read. And re-read. And then re-read again 10 years later.***</span></div>cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-3901834831052675372012-06-15T19:59:00.001-07:002012-06-22T18:17:06.292-07:00BOOTS.So I just got home from work (far too late to be arriving home on a Friday night I might add) and I am quite tired. As I sat down to take off my boots after a long day, I realized they were kind of (definitely) stuck to my feet. They are my cowboy (girl) boots and those suckers should come with insurance and a "how to take these off" handbook. (Insurance because every time you go to take them off, you inevitably end up hitting yourself in the face with full force). When I finally got them off my poor swollen feet from a day of moving about, I had a "huh" kind of a moment.<br />
<br />
"Huh"moments - let me clarify. Those moments when something strikes you (a thing, a person, a song, a smell, an old photo, etc) and by the observation of that something, you receive some kind of revelation from God. I could call it a "revelational" moment (because that's truly what it is), but for some reason when those moments come at me in those most "still, small voice" kind of ways (like through a cowboy boot) my initial response is "<i>huh...well how about that.</i>" <br />
<br />
But as I sat here after getting these boots off my feet (and getting the cramp out of my toe), I looked down at them. I thought to myself <i>"I love those things. They have line danced and two stepped many a Saturday night."</i> But more than that - and to be so cliche and corny and downright pretty weird - they mark something for me. You see, about a year ago my mom bought them for me as a birthday gift (bless her generous and sweet loving soul). And at about that same time, I was going through some pretty hard stuff in the heart. But from the pure loving simplicity of God's grace and love, he brought me out into a "<i>spacious place. He rescued me because he delighted in me."</i> Boy oh boy does he! (Do you know how much he delights in you?! It is pretty fantastic). He brought me out into a new life, a new "me" (or rather, an even more whole/healed/content me). He surfaced up desires in my heart that I did not know were desires. He surfaced up dreams that in my prior season of life, I had no business dreaming. He blew off the ceiling on my heart and trashed every limitation I ever put on myself. Through the divine guiding of his hand and his promises that always stayed true, I found myself smack dab in the middle of my life, doing things, going places, and meeting people that I never thought I would. It was as if this whole new world opened up before me and for probably the first (real) time ever, I experienced a best friend to do it all with: Him.<br />
<br />
Throughout my life, I have experienced God the Father, the Counselor, and the Healer (man is he ever!) But as of late - or through this last year or so - I have experienced God the Husband and Best Friend like never before. I mean, I thought I had experienced him that way before- and I'm sure I did. But this time it goes so much deeper. It's so steady. It's so my "every day." It just blows my mind.<br />
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(A side note to all women: If you haven't experienced God the Husband and Best Friend, start praying to. But keep in mind, he will most likely need to orchestrate life circumstances that enable him to be just that. Trust me - wait no, trust him - it's so worth it).<br />
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I went to put my boots in my closet and noticed the leather bottoms all scuffed up and walked on. And I realized...these boots have been used. They have been worn. They have ventured outward - despite heartache and pain - they have danced. I just sat down in my closet for a second and took it all in. He has been with me every step of the way. He has made me brave when I was too scared to be. And through his all-perfect and everlasting love, I was gifted the courage to dance and move forward with my life, trusting that as I did he would right all my wrong steps and perfect my path. <br />
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He dances with me to the harmonies of Heaven. <br />
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It's pretty captivating. <br />
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I suppose the craziest, most surreal and incredible part about all this is, is that I realized - just now somehow - that I have never been more fulfilled, satisfied, and content...ever. I have no thoughts of "I wish this....or that" I have no thoughts of "If I only I were more this....or that." I am just me. And I am loved. Just as I am. Right now, sitting on my closet room floor staring at my boots (and laughing at the fact that I sense and hear from God in the unlikeliest of things and places. I mean, cowgirl boots....really, Cort?) <br />
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But I must say - it's quite the "huh" moment when you find yourself in the midst of life (of course it's never without struggle, but always with joy) and you think "I am loved by my One and Only. I am cherished by my One and Only. He sees me as beautiful and wants all the best for my life. He will never mess up, he will never take back a promise, and he will always, always, always have my back. Period." (And he better because those dips on the dance floor would be a doozy if he didn't).<br />
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I suppose before I was still a bit scared to do certain things. I suppose before there was still a part of my heart that - deep down - didn't believe I was worthy to partner with him quite like this. I suppose before there was a part of me that held back out of...you name it. It is quite soul transforming and heart freeing when you stop holding back, when fear is cast out because perfect love is received, and when you believe the truth that you are worthy to partner with your Husband and Best Friend. After all, isn't that what we were created to do?<br />
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It may seem silly to some (<i>"Boots, Cortney? Seriously?"</i>) <br />
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<b>YES</b>...boots. <br />
Seriously. <br />
Because they go on my feet. <b>"How beautiful are the feet..."</b><br />
And my feet <i>will</i> and <i>desire</i> to go wherever his feet go.<br />
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<br />cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814607823647640532.post-70447463936622245522012-04-18T22:29:00.001-07:002012-04-20T12:21:07.458-07:00By Faith, Noah Moved With Fear.<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><b>"By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not yet seen, </b></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large; line-height: 14px;"><b>moved with fear."</b> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large; line-height: 14px;">If you could see it, you wouldn't fear the</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large; line-height: 14px;"> unknown, but you also wouldn't have faith. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large; line-height: 14px;">And if you don't </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large; line-height: 14px;">have faith, you'd never learn not to</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large; line-height: 14px;">fear what you can't yet see.</span></div>cortney.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12981640768410650342noreply@blogger.com0